Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
