Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
