You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
