Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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