we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
