please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
