I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
