Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
