My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
