question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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