My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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