If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
