is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
