yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
