flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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