Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
