I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
