I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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