That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am one with the molecules
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
