My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
