The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
