My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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