Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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