Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize