When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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