He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
