I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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