I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
