It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
