you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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