I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
