Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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