If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
