i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
