You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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