I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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