So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
