The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i wish my penis had a tongue
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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