i just had sex bonerless
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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