Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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