We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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