Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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