I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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