Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A+ Viking dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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