the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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