the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
