I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
