dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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