Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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