Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i've created a new STD.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
