You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
