bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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