Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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