Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
